Games Cheats and Reviews

Konami has brought the arcade shooter fun of Assault Heroes to the PS3.  Assault Heroes takes the 2D arcade game, puts on some 3D sweetness, packs it into an all out fun action game, and sends it to you.  Play through three difficulty levels, earn 12 trophies, and find some bonus levels.  All this and it is only $9.99.  What makes it even better is you get a flame thrower.  Assault Heroes is available now.

Sharing: It’s Win/Win

Game: Matt Hazard: Blood Bath and Beyond
Developer: Vicious Cycle Software
Genre: Side-scrolling Shooter
Verdict: A hilarious arcade shooter that satisfies the nostalgia for a great old-school side scroller.
Pros: Hilarious dialogue and one liners, awesome parodies of other video games, good game mechanics.
Cons: Hard, hard as hell,and hell gave up playing on the highest difficulty, no online co-op.
Acquired: Developer Provided
Price: 1200 Microsoft Points ($14.99)/$14.99 on Playstation Network

Matt Hazard is back, and he’s better than ever – if you call being reverted to 2D better. Thanks to the folks at Vicious Cycle Software, the world is once again graced with a tale of everyone’s favorite self-aware video game character, Matt Hazard, and once again, his very existence is in danger.

Bu-du-bu-bu-du-bu…bu

In Matt Hazard: Blood Bath and Beyond, Matt’s old nemesis, General Neutronov, has hatched a new scheme to rid himself of Matt. Rather than face Matt head on, Neutronov has gone back in time and kidnapped the old…errrr…younger 8-bit version of Matt.  As Matt chases Neutronov through the server in order to rescue himself…his self…hisself…feh, nevermind, he must traverse the worlds of his fellow heros. These parodied worlds include those of Super Mario Bros., Mirror’s Edge, Team Fortress, Portal, Bioshock, and many more.

Matt, being the self-aware character that he is, is quick to throw out a witty comment on almost everything he encounters. In one boss encounter, Matt faces a Johnny-5 style robot (Short Circuit, circa 1986. If you’ve never seen this film, walk away from this review and go watch it. I’ll be here when you get back) aptly named Juliette-5. During the battle, Matt quips aloud, wondering if Juliette-5 is still alive (again, a reference to the movie that you should have now watched). Matt’s good buddy and all around voice-in-his-head, Quentin, has his share of funny moments too. When Matt heroically faces off with a gargantuan boss that is a mix between an elephant, a hippopotamus, and a rhino, Quentin asks what one calls such a mix – brace yourselves…get ready for it…a h-eleph-ino. Ha, get it. A hell if I know. That’s funny…right? Fine. Don’t laugh. I thought it was hilarious.

H-elep-ino!

All joking aside (ok, most joking aside), Blood Bath and Beyond is a very well done game. The shooting mechanics are very much like Shadow Complex, while the level design and power ups are reminiscent of Contra. Enemies are appropriate to the level in which they reside, and they are plentiful. By far, in this writer’s opinion at least, the best enemy type in the game is the Mountie-driven moose-head tank in the Canadian level. That’s aboot…about as funny as it gets. The bosses are also fun, becoming more outlandishly awesome as the game progresses.

One cannot talk about this game without mentioning the difficultly level. I started the game on “Damn, this is hard”, which would normally be considered the “normal” difficulty. This difficultly level gives you five continues to use throughout the game. I would never claim that I am the best gamer around, but I’m not a neophyte either. On this setting, I was dead and out of continues by the fourth world. It is not often that I have to drop down to casual, “Wussy” in this game, to give myself infinite continues. To be honest, “Wussy” was challenging, but doable. I’m sure that “Damn, this is hard” is doable as well, but I did not have the time to continue to mess with it. The hardest difficulty level is called “Fuck this shit,” and I surmise that it was implemented just so the developer’s can laugh their asses off each time they hear a story of someone attempting it. If anyone has beat an substantial part of this game on this difficulty, get it one video and post it on YouTube. You will be considered a video-game god.

It's Doc. He's alive.

Graphically, this game is beautiful. It has the expected high-definition sheen, though it only runs as high as 720p. The character’s are well done, and the environments are gorgeous at times. It also has a pseudo-3D element, which allows some enemies to be in the background and allows Matt Hazard to shoot into the background. Though the game is pretty to look at, the developers poke fun of themselves by describing certain events between scenes with text similar to, “and the lab exploded in a monstrous explosion that would have been way out of budget for us to put into a cut scene.”

Sound is also well done in Blood Bath and Beyond. It is not stellar, but it is good. The sound effects are what you would generally expect from a shooters (explosions, guys groaning in death, etc.). The level music is very reminiscent of a good ’80s side-scroller, complete with an intensity change in the songs during the boss fights. There is nothing bad to say about the sound in this game, but there’s nothing great to say either. It was well done, but that is all.

Honestly, Blood Bath and Beyond is one of the better Arcade games that I have played. It clocks in at about four hours of gameplay, and for $14.99, that is definitely worth it. It does incorporate a co-op element that I did not have a chance to try during my review period, but that just gives me an excuse to replay the game on a harder difficulty level. Unfortunately, the co-op gameplay is onscreen only; no online guys. Sorry. If you like parody games and like the feel of Contra and Shadow Complex, go grab Blood Bath and Beyond. If you’re not sure that you want to drop $15 on chance, then go grab the demo, which is available on both Xbox Live and the Playstation Store. Whatever you do, don’t think that you’ll be able repeat one of the one-liners from the game to your wife and she’ll laugh as hard as you did. I tried; it didn’t work.

Sharing: It’s Win/Win

Game: Battle Tanks
Platform: PlayStation 3 / PlayStation Network
Developer: Gameloft
Price: $9.99
Pros: Another interesting game design comes exclusively to the PSN
Cons: The lack of variety makes the game wear out its welcome
Acquired via Developer

It is no secret that the PlayStation Network is home to some of the most outstanding downloadable offerings available on any platform. In hopes of banking on that legacy, Gameloft, who are more prolifically known as iPhone developers, looks to combine equal parts pinball and high tech artillery in the arcade shooter, Battle Tanks. After all, when you can meld mortar shells and physics puzzles, what’s not to like?

When you think of dual stick shooter mechanics, classics like the Geometry Wars or Super Stardust franchises predominantly come to mind. The common thread that these games share is a flare for the quick, twitch-like action. Though tanks would be one of the last objects imaginable when you think of mobility and quickness, the game manages to convince you that this could in fact exist; granted it would have to be on a parallel planet where engineers thought it was smarter to make a tank mobile, but vulnerable to even the mere thought of gunfire.

Herein lies the juxtaposition of the game: You man a super mobile killing machine capable of dealing large amounts of pain and destruction, but at the same time are so vulnerable that if you were to even sneeze inside of your tank, you may very well kill everyone onboard in a flash that would make the Hindenburg look like a firecracker. Plus, the exterior might as well have been made of eggshells, because they seem to have just about the same density.

Improbably asinine engineering aside, Battle Tanks is a game that brings together the world of physics puzzles and high explosives with relative ease. The goal of each stage is to clear out the enemy tanks. Sure, it sounds simple enough, but when all of the tanks on the grid have turned their fire on you, it is a completely different story altogether. Further complicating the action is the fact that most of the different weapons bounce off the walls, adding in an intriguing ricochet mechanic that takes some serious getting used to.

As the levels become more challenging, you can expect to have numerous missiles and assorted other projectiles bouncing off of the walls like the most deadly game of pong that you have ever seen. That said, this mechanic could be used in your favor, transforming things into an ever-evolving game of death billiards.

Fortunately, the battlefield will continually morph over the course of each match. Simple obstructions such as small buildings and trees can be destroyed, making way for a clearer shot at the opposition. However, there are two sides to every coin. On many occasions, clearing out these obstacles will also in turn make you more vulnerable. Adding further chaos to the action is the several different power-ups that you will come across during the course of the stages. These tend to give you such traits as invulnerability and tend to almost feel as if you are getting an unfair advantage.

However bad using a power-up may make you feel, it comes as no surprise that the limited number of lives that you have can lead to you exploiting these more and more frequently. Players will be equipped with a mere four lives and let loose on the single player campaign. Sure, you have the option to continue right where you left off if you do die, but once again, it feels like cheating in a classic coin-op game.

Don’t feel too bad, though. There are fifty levels in single player that are sure to catch your fancy. This doesn’t mean that you have to struggle by yourself though. Every single player stage can also be played through in two-player co-op, where teamwork and strategy are the true keys to victory. The real brilliance of the game shows through when you are completing the game in this manner.

For every place where the game thrives in co-op, it manages to take it to the next level in the four player, online competitive arenas. You and your four closest, or perhaps not-so-close, friends can showdown in a high-octane battle royale, the likes of which have never been seen on the PlayStation 3. Okay, maybe that might be a bit of an exaggeration, but needless to say, you will enjoy yourself while blowing your friends to kingdom come.

At it’s core, Battle Tanks feels like an experience that you could have been playing for a couple of decades in any number of arcades across the country. The visuals are competent for a PlayStation 3 game, but seem to lack the polish that you have grown to expect from other PSN classics like Super Stardust HD or Flower. There are really not a lot of new things that the game brings to the table that would have the “wow factor” necessary to hook the current generation of console gamers. If you are looking for a good way to pass an afternoon, give it a look, otherwise, nuke it while you have the chance.

Crysis-2D: old school game released, screenshots and download inside! Crysis-2D is playable without the full version of Crysis.

Super Stardust HD developer, Housemarque, will announce a new PlayStation Network game in Cologne.

Housemargue, the folks behind the 60 frames-per-second arcade shooter Super Stardust HD, will be making an appearance at GamesCom in Cologne to announce a new PlayStation 3 exclusive game.

Seeing how Nintendo will no longer be releasing content weekly for the Wii alone, we felt it appropriate to change the name of the WiiWare release posts to Nintendo Today, where we’ll keep you up to date with the latest releases on not only WiiWare and the Vitual Console, but the DSiWare as well. That said, we’ll kick things off with the latest from the Wii and work our way down to the portables.

Family Pirate Party (WiiWare)

Board games have always been a great pass time, and now you can enjoy them on consoles, which makes them even cool-er. With Family Pirate Party the whole family can gather around the boob tube and sail the open seas trying to gather treasure. Each player will roll the dice and sail through the islands to gather as much gold as they can carry. Up to four players can run through this pirate adventure, with the ability to fill in the missing spots with CPU controlled players. The pirate with the most gold at the end wins and can be crowned “king of Family Pirate Party.”

For those of you out there looking for some pirate booty, you can expect to dish out 500 Wii Points for this bad boy. A fair price to pay for a good time with the family or friends.

Galaxy Force II (Virtual Console)

Originally on the Sega Genesis, Galaxy Force II is an arcade shooter with a 3-D view from behind your spaceship. Players will be able to fly through five different planets, taking on enemies in environments that range from a peaceful garden to lands made of fire or ice. Players should be ready to navigate treacherous landscapes while trying to blow up enemy robots, ships and turrets, including flying through the depths of every planet to destroy the alien stronghold.

The ticket to ride this rocket ship will cost players 800 Wii Points. Galaxy Force II was a great game back in its day, but does 800 points sound like a good price to re-live this classic shooter?

Real Soccer 2009 (DSiWare)

Players on the go should get a kick out of this one! Soccer season is ready to be taken to the max with Real Soccer 2009 for the Nintendo DSi. According to Nintendo it will have “never-before-seen soccer experiences” to offer players of all ages. Touch screen controls will be active for this soccer slam, as well as user photos that enable players to create a ball or team flag out of any photo they snap with their DSi Camera.

198 Teams using real player names, realistic opponent behaviors and touch screen controls could make this the best portable soccer game we’ve seen yet. Only time will tell.

Nintendo has something for the whole family this week, so tell them all to get their game on!

Hello evil, evil world fans! What a week it’s been here on GrE. For fear of stepping out of line, I want to affirm that there have been some operational changes, but we’re committed to keeping things running as smoothly as possible! With that in mind, dig in with me as I go through a (rather incoherent) list of tech things in the last week.

• Last Wednesday I had a chance to go to Dave and Buster’s with some friends. Had a blast, won a lot of tickets on the coin drop and beat the cheesiest arcade shooter ever. If you ever get a chance, go play some arcade games and feel like a kid again. 
  

  Let's Go Jungle! Amazing how something so cheesy can eat so many D&B card swipes…

• Oh yea, Wednesday is 1/2 off game night.
• A couple of pretty big demos have dropped over the last couple of weeks; X-Men Origins: Wolverine and Bionic Commando to name a few. I gave them both a try, and I can’t say that they really blew me away.
• XO: Wolverine is great if you’re looking for mindless hack ‘n slash button mashing with great graphics and a lot of gore (Moms, this isn’t the Wolverine for your kids!). It looks to be a lot of fun, but the demo certainly doesn’t require much thought. In a game where the protagonist shouldn’t be able to die, you’re going to need a challenge somewhere!
• The demo for Bionic Commando was just multiplayer, and it was pretty lame (commence flaming). It reminded me an awful lot of the old Quake 2 mod Weapons Factory with the grapple, mixed with a bit of (insert 3rd person, over the shoulder shooter title here) to make things “interesting”. It didn’t.
• “House guest?”
• Yea, here’s the part where I explain the “House Guest” part of the post title. A buddy of mine somewhat unexpectedly dropped in on Monday night for an indefinite period of time. When he reads this, it’s totally cool, so don’t worry about it. He’s a gamer, has background in IT and, as he pointed out, is to be considered free labor.
• Yesterday we painted the guest room.
•  
  

  The elegance of a bird and the badassedness of Jack Sparrow does not make for a fierce hero.

  I leafed through his 360 games case and started Fable II. Yea, I’m late to the party, but it’s pretty fun. Why can’t I name my character? And, understanding that the dialog is probably the same for male or female characters, they should have picked an even girlier ”gender neutral” name. Sparrow? How about Marian or Kelly?   

• He’s also going to help me convert my pre-wire phone cable throughout the house to ethernet. He might not know this. I hope he remembers his tools at work.
• For the PC gamers out there, Windows 7 RC has been released. My download just finished, and I’m going to give it a whirl. Maybe I’ll have a few thoughts on gaming on it for next week. Or, my PC will be shot and I’ll have a very abbreviated version of Jimmy’s “What I Hate About…” and it will be all about Microsoft.
• Unfair to hate on a free beta.
• Speaking of PC gaming, how about a few cheers for ATI’s new Radeon HD 4770? In case you hadn’t heard, this $109 (as low as $90 with MIR at Newegg) video card can compete with nVidia’s GTX 280 when run in CrossFire mode with one of its brethren. That makes a $220 option competitive with a $270 solution from the industry competitor. Let’s hear it for the underdog!
• With only one card, it’s still respectable performance, especially for the price.
• 

  From my home theater on the left to something like the one on the right. Speakers? Placement? I have a fireplace behind the TV.

  I’m looking to do a pretty hefty home theater upgrade in my family room. I have to mount the TV to the wall and run a bunch of wire. Anyone have any DIY experience/pointers? I’ve run electrical and other things, but I’d like to make everything in-wall and may need a bit of guidance. Tweet me if you have any suggestions/links to check out.

Alright kids, that’s it for this edition of CHoPO. Until next time keep your kids safe, controllers charged and gasoline generator on the ready!

Looks like Konami is jumping on the zombie bandwagon with their latest game; Zombie Apocalypse, set to invade your Xbox LIVE Arcade and PlayStation Network this summer.

Zombie Apocalypse casts up to four players as heavily-equipped gun-slingers left to fight for survival in a world where the undead have risen and are feasting on the living. Players are tasked with destroying as many zombies as possible in order to save the last remaining human survivors.

“Smash TV meets Left 4 Dead” -Konami

Weapons include assault rifles, flame throwers and even a teddy bear filled with C4 explosives. Chainsaws will also be available for those who like to get down and dirty with their zombie killing, along side all of the environmental hazards that can crush, burn, slice or cause other types of destruction on the masses of undead.

Players can compete for high scores in the online leaderboards where every dead beast counts. This arcade shooter will test gamers shooting skills and their ability to survive 55 days of battles across the game’s seven environments. Failure will result in the player becoming one of the undead, while victory will result in seven challenging unlockable game modes.