I’ve never been one to identify with the “victim” mentality. I try to live my life in a way that what happened to me doesn’t define me. That being said, it’s been a really hard week for me. As someone who has been sexually assaulted, I try to steer clear of anything that would bring back memories of what happened. Since I live, breathe and sleep gaming that usually isn’t a problem. Then Tuesday morning comes and as I log into my Twitter account (@MetalGearBAE) to find it flooded with articles on a game called ‘Rapelay’ by Illusion.
And of course, people are outraged. The game was banned and pulled off shelves only to have it garner so much attention that it went viral. As I read the articles and watch the videos I am utterly disgusted. My stomach actually flips over. I sweat. My eyes well up. I can’t get it out of my mind.
As I sit here on Thursday afternoon I realize that instead of waking up early like normal, I’ve slept in until late in the day both days since this news story became so popular. I’ve just HAD to get outside, to see the sun and not feel trapped. And I want to get away. Far, far away from my life right now and I really have nothing to run from. Besides being disabled, (and I’ll save all that mess for another column) I love my life and everyone in it. I’m blessed to have a wonderful family and a great set of friends.
So what’s the problem?
I realize that I feel victimized all over again.
There is my outrage over this game.
For anyone- man or woman who has been assaulted, it is always there with you. The fear and anxiety is always lurking in the background even when you move on and I am amazed that someone would find it fun to rape women over and over in a video game. Or maybe I’m not amazed. The world seems to be turning into something I’m not proud of lately.
People are angry because they believe that someone will play this game and go on a raping spree.
To me, that’s the same as saying someone will play GTA4 and go on a crime spree.
I’m just not buying it. Sure, it happens but those people already had a screw loose. It could have been any trigger that set them off. A word, a movie, television or toast. Crazy is Crazy- you can blame it on what you want.
I’m thinking that ‘Rapelay’s’ developer has never had a mother, sister, wife or friend be assaulted. If they did, they would understand the enormity of what they have done. Maybe it won’t reach millions of women and no one will care. Maybe what they wanted was a massive amount of attention to be able to work on a REAL project. I don’t care about that.
What I care about is the anger that I have at them for thinking this is acceptable entertainment and for making me feel like crap all over again. I wonder about my other gaming friends and how this makes them feel. I wonder if I’m being over dramatic.
Most of all, I wonder what it would be like to see the people at Illusion face to face and how they would feel to see my tears. What would they think about my story?
I’m sure we will never know.
Sharing: It’s Win/Win










